When I think about the question of suffering I have to be honest with myself by having a moment to consider what exactly it is that I'm struggling with. Have you ever sat back and done that? Is the question 'HOW does God allow suffering, or rather how can God allow suffering without it being a contradiction to His benevolence, a violation of His character?' Or is the question 'WHY does God allow suffering - given that He cannot be anything but good?

What I have to uncover is whether the fundamental source of my wrestling is a very real concern that God cannot be good if He allows suffering. If this is the case, then what exactly do I expect from the goodness of God? Given that I, as man (or woman), am not innately good, surely the definition must come from God and not from me?

Secondly, have I forgotten that it was the greatest act of suffering in all of human history, the separation of the Son from the Father on the cross, that paid for my freedom? If the character of God, revealed elsewhere in scripture will not convince me that His heart breaks far more than mine over suffering, then surely this act will? It is the perfect picture of a God who weeps over an aching world.

But perhaps my question is not whether or not God is good. Perhaps in the midst of suffering and unanswered questions, the unswerving goodness of God is the one thing I do know to be true, the thing I cling to. If I cannot reconcile the goodness of God with suffering as I perceive it, I must conclude, NOT that God is not good but only that His perspective is different than mine. For the reality is that God will not endure suffering for eternity but for a time. The brokeness of our world still dominates the age in which we live but we see glimpses of something to come.

When the Kingdom of God came into world through Jesus something of heaven touched earth, two worlds met. Suddenly, people were being healed, there was a different way to live. Kingdom economy was counter to the world. To this day we live in an age of tension in which we see something of God in a broken world, expressed ultimately in the cross but from day to day through the people of God who belong not to this world but to the Kingdom. And yet the fullness of the Kingdom has not yet been realised, the world still aches. But the time is coming when Jesus will return. Until that day the words of C.S. Lewis will continue to resound with me

'If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.'

God did not create me just so that I could enjoy a painless existance. He created me for Himself, to bring Him glory and enjoy Him forever. If I will do that in the midst of pain and unanswered questions I will find a place of intimacy with Him where those questions become strangely dim in the light of who He is.

God calls me to follow Him not because of the questions that remain unanswered in this age, but because of the truth of which I am sure - He is God and there is no greater thing than walking with Him. His agenda is to make us a people for Himself, to conform to us His likeness, to be all that we were created to be, that we may know Him more and an aching world may see Him.....He will use anything, even our wrestling.

© Danutia Hillier 2005